Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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