my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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