I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
then he tried to convert me to islam
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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