Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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