you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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