you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize