I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so let's talk penis.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Randomize
