So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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