worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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