I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
