so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
