I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
