I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
