What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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