Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
