yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
