Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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