i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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