why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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