He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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