I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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