Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
