um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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