Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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