smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
