Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
