...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize