My sheets look like a crime scene.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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