I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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