i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize