I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
