I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
