everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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