I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
