all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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