My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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