youre lurking in front of me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
