so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
