I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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