I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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