saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
