so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
