I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
