that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
