Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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