I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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