I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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