i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Duck Duck Cougar?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
