This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
