girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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