when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
