Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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