you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
