My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
