Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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