...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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