Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
