Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
