Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
