Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
