just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
