There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
