I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
