Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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