If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
