Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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