i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
